GUEST POST: TUCK MANTOOTH "HOW TO AVOID THE FLU AT WORK AND CHURCH"
My friend, Tuck Mantooth sent me this great advice on how to avoid the flu. I hope you enjoy it!Flu Season: How to Avoid the Flu at Work and At Church
by Tuck Mantooth
The "HANDSHAKE" is being touted as the #1 transmitter of viruses during the upcoming flu season. When we meet and greet people there are safe alternatives to the "handshake".
Please, instead, observe these suggestions to avoid this unhealthy exchange of greetings:
1. Nod twice at people as you pass by. They will think "I'm not shaking this sucker's hand fer shore!"
2. Pat them on their opposite shoulder, if you can reach around fast enough. If they are too large, do the reverse tap on their shoulder as they pass by.
3. Offer them a closed-hand "fist bump", and if they don't comply, USE that fist!
4. Point at them and snap your fingers, like you do your pet Chihuahua or mink, when he misses the paper.
5. Rub your foot rapidly if on carpet, as if impatient with their gesture. If they reach out, they will get the static shock before touching!
6. Do the "moon walk" if physically able, if on a hard surface floor, d If not, yawn big, and use your right hand to cover your mouth. (if your hand is actually clean)
7. Begin a "wave" action, if you are in a group, begin a "wave" action. Raise hands high, out of reach, like you do when the Cardinals are losing against the Rangers.
8. Extend an antibacterial wipes to someone who offers their hand, saying "my doctor told me to give these to friends who want to shake my hand during flu season".
9. Wear a badge saying "MY KIDS HAVE THE FLU." That will stop 99% in their
tracks, knowing that you already carry the germs that will jump off on their bodies if you get too close.
10. Offer an "Elbow bump." Offer your left elbow as you meet people. No one ever sneezed on, wiped their nose on, opened a door knob, or flushed a toilet with their left elbow.
11. "Wink" at them if you have eye contact. Once if the same gender. Twice if different. No one will want to shake your hand after that gesture, believe me.
12. Wave—a simple wave, with your hand extended beyond their reach will stop short people. Tall people, well you might have to stretch or step up on the water cooler.
13. Keep your hands in your pockets, out of reach. If no pockets, grip your hands behind your back as if handcuffed again.
14. Have photos of your ugly kids or uglier grandkids in hand to turn them away. That will make them do an about-face and run.
15. Say loudly "QUICK - where is the rest room?" at a minimum distance of 15 feet. Then, trot the other way. No one will question that move.
16. Take out your wallet and ask "Do you have $20 I could borrow?" The "wallet trick" stops most moochers without another word.
17. Grab a large box with both hands and say "sorry I can't shake— howzz youuze doin'?" They will assume you are from above the Mason Dixon line, and naturally avoid you.
18. Ask "Have you had your FLU SHOT?" You will need it if we shake hands!!" as you approach someone. Rub your nose prior, to make it appear red and runny.
19. Begin doing the "Alligator" before they reach you, if you are in the hall. If you are too old to hit the floor, then try the "Hokey Pokey" or Chubby Checker's "The Twist."
20. Wear your button "I SUPPORT THE WALL STREET OCCUPATION." You will find that their handshake will turn into an immediate slap, which inherently, is safer than a handshake during flu season.
NOW—GO GET YOUR FLU SHOTS BEFORE THIS BECOMES A WORKPLACE POLICY!!!!
The "HANDSHAKE" is being touted as the #1 transmitter of viruses during the upcoming flu season. When we meet and greet people there are safe alternatives to the "handshake".
Please, instead, observe these suggestions to avoid this unhealthy exchange of greetings:
1. Nod twice at people as you pass by. They will think "I'm not shaking this sucker's hand fer shore!"
2. Pat them on their opposite shoulder, if you can reach around fast enough. If they are too large, do the reverse tap on their shoulder as they pass by.
3. Offer them a closed-hand "fist bump", and if they don't comply, USE that fist!
4. Point at them and snap your fingers, like you do your pet Chihuahua or mink, when he misses the paper.
5. Rub your foot rapidly if on carpet, as if impatient with their gesture. If they reach out, they will get the static shock before touching!
6. Do the "moon walk" if physically able, if on a hard surface floor, d If not, yawn big, and use your right hand to cover your mouth. (if your hand is actually clean)
7. Begin a "wave" action, if you are in a group, begin a "wave" action. Raise hands high, out of reach, like you do when the Cardinals are losing against the Rangers.
8. Extend an antibacterial wipes to someone who offers their hand, saying "my doctor told me to give these to friends who want to shake my hand during flu season".
9. Wear a badge saying "MY KIDS HAVE THE FLU." That will stop 99% in their
tracks, knowing that you already carry the germs that will jump off on their bodies if you get too close.10. Offer an "Elbow bump." Offer your left elbow as you meet people. No one ever sneezed on, wiped their nose on, opened a door knob, or flushed a toilet with their left elbow.
11. "Wink" at them if you have eye contact. Once if the same gender. Twice if different. No one will want to shake your hand after that gesture, believe me.
12. Wave—a simple wave, with your hand extended beyond their reach will stop short people. Tall people, well you might have to stretch or step up on the water cooler.
13. Keep your hands in your pockets, out of reach. If no pockets, grip your hands behind your back as if handcuffed again.
14. Have photos of your ugly kids or uglier grandkids in hand to turn them away. That will make them do an about-face and run.
15. Say loudly "QUICK - where is the rest room?" at a minimum distance of 15 feet. Then, trot the other way. No one will question that move.
16. Take out your wallet and ask "Do you have $20 I could borrow?" The "wallet trick" stops most moochers without another word.
17. Grab a large box with both hands and say "sorry I can't shake— howzz youuze doin'?" They will assume you are from above the Mason Dixon line, and naturally avoid you.
18. Ask "Have you had your FLU SHOT?" You will need it if we shake hands!!" as you approach someone. Rub your nose prior, to make it appear red and runny.
19. Begin doing the "Alligator" before they reach you, if you are in the hall. If you are too old to hit the floor, then try the "Hokey Pokey" or Chubby Checker's "The Twist."
20. Wear your button "I SUPPORT THE WALL STREET OCCUPATION." You will find that their handshake will turn into an immediate slap, which inherently, is safer than a handshake during flu season.
NOW—GO GET YOUR FLU SHOTS BEFORE THIS BECOMES A WORKPLACE POLICY!!!!
Photo/KarenJordan
What steps are you taking to avoid the flu this year?
Posted by Karen Jordan at 25 Oct 2011 
Categories: Encouraging Spiritual Stories
Tags: writing conference Tuck Mantooth problem humor flu
Categories: Encouraging Spiritual Stories
Tags: writing conference Tuck Mantooth problem humor flu
typical "tuck"... I wonder, does he stay up all night tocome up with this wisdom, or does this wisdom just keep him up all night?
Reply to this
Trust me--NOTHING keeps Tuck awake at night! Zzzzzzzz ....
Reply to this