"Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?" (Psalm 42:11)

When was the last time you reached the "end of your rope"? What did you do? Recently, I released my grip, and I let go of things very important to me because of the stress of "change."

I haven’t been on-line in awhile. Yes, I’ve checked e-mail occasionally, twittered a bit, and even prowled around on Facebook. But my "real" work as a freelance writer came to a halt unexpectedly last month.

Yoke. Why? Life just seemed too difficult. We sold our home of twenty years, and we relocated to a beautiful, retirement community in Central Arkansas. Yet I still did not experience "true" rest, in spite of my new environment.

Neither my husband nor I retired. Dan still drives to work in Little Rock five days a week. And I still have tons of freelance opportunities piled up in my office, staring me in the face. But for some strange reason, I could not face my tasks these past few weeks. Writing became a burden too heavy for me to bear.

Call it “depression,” “burn-out,” "brokenness," or "whatever"—but my circumstances got the best of me. And I could not pull myself out of the pit I'd fallen into. So, I just “let go,” and I fell even deeper into a period of doubt and (yes) unbelief.

Cave. I wrote a little about my "cave" experience a few months ago on BLESSED. And even though I had hopes of climbing out of my cave back then, I continued to succomb to negative, destructive thoughts.

Even as I recorded what I was learning about rest, I found no peace of mind or rest. I couldn't seem to put into practice what I was learning. When I spoke to anyone about my discoveries about rest, I'd fall prey to thoughts of guilt, hopelessness, and failure. And I could hear echos of the "Twilight Zone" theme. I imagined people rolling their eyes, judging me as a "Jesus freak" or worse—spiritual heretic.

I wondered, How can I possibly write anything of value about rest, when I’m still one of the most anxious people I know?

Thankfully, now I'm crawling out of that slump again. Hopefully, I'm on the road to true rest. And I plan to write more about my "cave" experience and rest soon. But for now, I'm inching slowly on the road to rest, taking life one day at a time.

Journey. I know that my journey to find rest is not over; I'm right in the middle of it. I identify with this confession, found in God's Word: "...I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on..." (Philippians 3:13-14).

I hope to share my spiritual discoveries in future blogs. But before I get over my head again and make more commitments than I can keep, I wanted to give my BLESSED readers a hint about where I've been on my journey.

Hope you’ll check in on me at BLESSED, so you can catch the rest of my story.

BLESSED,

Karen

Photos/Karen Jordan


QUESTIONS: Have you ever felt like you had reached the "end of your rope"? What did you do? 

Your comments and stories continue to encourage me and others. We look forward to hearing from you.